Dark Kiss

You've got your lips painted like a solar eclipse

Your kiss rushes fire down my finger tips

You move your hips like you know my every wish

Drawn to you like that tats on your wrist

Your like a drug pouring through my veins

One kiss and you took away all my pain

I feel it burning I know something has changed

One night with you and I'll never be the same

Your eyes told me that you were dangerous

Your smile gave my head a rush

Your lips on my neck I couldn't get enough

Your icy touch it did so much

Your like a drug pouring through my veins

One kiss and you took away all my pain

I feel it burning I know something has changed

One night with you and I'll never be the same

[bridge]

She's got me staying up all night.

Because of her I never see the light

I never shouldve let her take that bite

But.....

Your like a drug pouring through my veins

One kiss and you took away all my pain

I feel it burning I know something has changed

One night with you and I'll never be the same

Beast

Trapped in the darkness my light she has gone away.

Wading through the shadows because my light has gone astray

I crave her and inside this is killing me

I can't escape her and I know this is the death of me

But I know

Who I am and who I am supposed to be

And I know

That the beast inside is the one that's controlling me

But I know

She’s the only one that could set me free

And I know

Without her the beast is all I'm ever gonna be

I dig for the pieces to put my heart together again

Here without the light the darkness is my only friend

The light from the pale moon is the only light I know

So I embrace the night because I let her go

But I know

Who I am and who I am supposed to be

And I know

That the beast inside is the one that's controlling me

But I know

She’s the only one that could set me free

And I know

Without her the beast is all I'm ever gonna be

So why won't you tame me

Before I go crazy

Stop me before I lose myself

Go ahead and save me

Because lately

I know I am losing myself

But I know

Who I am and who I am supposed to be

And I know

That the beast inside is the one that's controlling me

But I know

She’s the only one that could set me free

And I know

Without her the beast is all I'm ever gonna be

gym woes

You would think that in this tough economic crisis that we are under going right now that people might be a little more understanding of the delicate nature of people's finance.  Well not Brenda Athletic Clubs and more specifically Turlock Racquet Club.  You see a little over a year ago April of 2008 to be exact I was in the market for a new athletic club.  I was a member of the In-Shape brand and I didn't like the fact that it was always super crowded and that the staff wasn't too friendly, so I shopped around.  I had always admired the look of the Turlock Racquet Club and I thought it would be cool to belong to a gym that had a racquet ball court and tennis courts.  They also had a juice bar and heavy bag and hey I like to hit a heavy bag it was the one thing that really won me over; well that and the fact that each treadmill had its own cable TV hooked up to it as opposed to the 5 big screens at ISC.  The guy told me it would be 54 dollars a month for me and my dad which was about 16 dollars cheaper than I was paying so I was pretty much sold.  However when I went to fill out the paperwork the next day at the recruitment day at Stan State the guy told me it was only 54 dollars if I signed a 3 year contract.  I was very apprehensive of a 3 year commitment to a gym; I didn't know in 3 years whether or not I'd be in California, or if I would be disgruntled with the racquet club the way I had with In Shape.  So the first words out of my mouth before I signed the contract were "what if I want to leave the gym before my 3 years is up?"  The guy replied that all I would have to do to leave is tell them that I wanted to quit, and if they asked for a reason just tell them I was moving out of state that they didn't require any proof and that it would be a done deal"

 

Today I decided that I would leave the gym.  Honestly I might move away, it is hard to find and maintain a decent paying job as a 20 something college graduate here in California.  It is also a waste of money since I started the University of North Carolina Tar Heels basketball team medicine ball 400 workout plan.  I could use that money to take out my beautiful girlfriend a couple more times a month.  Plus with my busy schedule I do not have that much time to go to the gym.  So I called the gym to find out exactly what I would need to do to cancel my membership and I was quite shocked at what I was told.  There is only 3 ways to terminate my contract:

 

1) Provide a written note from my doctor saying that I am physically unable to use the equipment at the gym

 

2) Provide a completed change of address form that puts me outside a reasonable driving distance to any of their clubs

 

3) Pay 600 dollars.

 

Granted I am sure that if I read the fine print of the contract that was in there somewhere but I also trusted the guy and girl that signed me up to be honest with me when I asked what would happen if I wanted to cancel my contract before 3 years was up.  Had I been properly informed I would not have signed.  I crunched the numbers in the mean time.  To cancel my contract as stated before would require a 600 dollar termination fee plus paying another month of the gym because they require a 30 day notice and my 30 days would be up the day after they draw out July's payment from my bank.  Since I split the cost of the gym at 34 dollars a month for my share the total difference between leaving the gym and staying a member is less than a hundred dollars.  Plus the fact that I wouldn’t be paying 600 dollars up front means that it is way more feasible and economically sound to keep the membership even if I don't use it.  I suppose that is what they count on when they sign you up in the first place.  However I have always been a model gym member.  I don't use any of the extra stuff like free towels or the sauna or the pool or take any of the free classes.  You can guarantee that is going to change give me a towel give me a free juice, I will definitely be splashing around the pool and taking full advantage to point of almost obnoxiousness from here on.  So thanks Brenda Athletic Clubs for lying to me I appreciate the fact that I have spent over 700 dollars the last 14 months barely using your gym to be told that if I want to leave I will basically have to pay my membership fees for the remainder of my contract whether I go or not.  I could see a fee of 100-200 dollars being acceptable like a cell phone bill, but to basically charge me for 18 months of membership fees when I have 20 months left on the contract is ridiculous.  Even more ridiculous is the fact that the fee would be 600 dollars if I only had a year left.  It is bad business and as soon as my contract is up in 2011 pending I haven't gotten injured to the point of not being able to work out, or I haven’t moved away I anxiously look forward to quitting Brenda for good.

 

Until then look for me taking up equipment almost every day not really working out with my free towel drinking juice

 

Take care of each other

XM

life update

I like to keep my blog posts separate for different subjects even in the come on the same day, I also felt especially compelled to write another post due to pure negative nature of that last post.  That last post was an extreme emotional response to a lot of things I have seen building up over the last couple months.  From friends bailing on their bills so they can go on vacation, to people laughing outside of Circuit City mocking the fact that so many people were losing their jobs etc.  Despite all that and swimming in these shark infested waters trying to stay afloat I somehow manage to stay happy.  I suppose it is because of several of the new friends I have made along the last month.  By the way if you care to read this blog and I have left you hanging for over a month than I apologize. It is always my intention to post something here but I find that is hard to sit in front of your computer and be inspired and a consistent basis.  Perhaps I am not as skilled as some of the many talented people I have seen on the internets.  So without further rambling introductions let me give you a brief (yea right I am verbose) synopsis of what has been going on with me lately.

 

As I said a couple posts ago Erin from Eringames.com got me to come back to WoW as a horde and I am almost level 78 with my Blood Elf.  My guild Ashes of the Fallen are all pretty cool people that I enjoy talking to and look forward to being more active with when I hit the level cap of 80.  I don’t play much with them at the moment because I’d just be asking for their help all the time and I don't really want to do that

 

Speaking of Erin, she had a Resident Evil 5 giveaway video contest on YouTube where people had to make a video talking about Resident Evil 5 or the other Resident Evil titles.  The winner of the contest got a limited edition artwork and if they didn't have the game they also got a copy of the game.  Well I am a huge RE buff and have everything from books to a snow globe, to Resident Evil STARS and Umbrella jackets and all of the games except 1. So I showed my love for the series and well I won the contest and once my package arrives I can say once again that I own all the RE games.  So thanks again Erin for the contest and for picking me as the winner.

 

I also recently traded my psp for fallout 3.  Don't despair Sony fans I plan on getting one of the newer psps and I wasn’t happy with the scratches mine had accumulated.  I haven’t gotten that far into Fallout but it seems that the sales clerk's description of "It is just like Oblivion with guns instead of swords" is pretty accurate.  The storyline seems interesting to the say the least so far.

 

Finally in gaming related news I am really excited for the new UFC Unleashed 2009 game coming out next month.  I really look forward to the create-a-fighter mode as well as playing some of my desired fighter match ups with my friends.  Rampage v Shogun tops my list.  Lesner vs Couture rematch as well.   I will for sure be talking about that next month.  In case you didn't know I am a big fan of MMA as well.

 

Easter was yesterday and I spent it with a part of the non blood related people you call family.  That’s the best kind.  You get to pick them.  Speaking of that party the food was excellent and as a matter of fact I look forward to getting home soon and munching on the chicken that I brought home.  I am also grateful for what Easter signifies in my faith so all in all it was a good day,

 

Well thanks for stopping by and reading this.  Hope your Easter/Passover was awesome and your week is even better.

 

As always follow me on twitter @Xaviermagnus

www.twiiter.com/xaviermagnus

www.myspace.com/xavierknight

 

.

Cancer

Typically I do not write about things so close to my heart on the internet.  I like being a dark brooding enigma or an internet mystery as someone once referred to me.  Not that I ashamed of myself, but sometimes I like to talk about events with my honest opinion and not have everyone that I know read it.  So here (because someone that matters a great deal says I need to open up more) is an honest attempt to post something heartfelt and not be a smark for once.

 

As most people that take their time to read this will be from twitter you may or may not know that I follow a person that goes by the moniker @followheidi.  I also try to do my fair share of linking here and bringing her more views, because I really believe in what she does. Heidi (@followheidi) is a representative of the Vera Bradley Foundation and she works at promoting awareness of breast cancer.  Her twitter bio reads "A survivor who wants to build awareness for breast cancer research - and stop this disease so her children are safe"  That pretty much sums up what an amazing person she is and I know personally through @ replies and direct messages just how sweet she really is.  Every time I am feeling down and post something on twitter that relates to self loathing brooding emo Xavier I can pretty much count on seeing something positive from her about me that makes me feel better.  She always seems to find a light switch in the dark.  If you look at her messages to people you can see that I am no special case; that is just who she is; a strong person trying to prop the rest of us up when we feel bad.  The world would be a lot better place with more like Heidi.

 

Cancer is a subject that hits very hard for me.  Most people that follow me have no idea that I lost both my grandmother in 2002 and grandfather in 2006 to cancer.  In my first and last semester of college actually, and I also have a friend Emily that is still on the recovery process from blood cancer.  I have never been close with my mother and haven't seen her in over 10 years (which is another story), so I have always shared a close bond with my paternal grandparents.   Losing my grandmother was the most difficult thing I have ever endured; she was like my best friend and mother.  It changed me; it rocked my foundation to my core and I came out of that event a completely different person. 

 

The only thing that I can say has ever compared to affecting me like that is when I had Diabetic Keidoacidosis and almost died in 2007.  A week in the ICU will do that though.  The only solace that I can take in the passing of both my grandparents is the fact that I was there with both of them in the last days.  I had a conversation with my grandmother the last time I actually talked to her and I thanked her for everything she had ever done for me.  I thanked her for being there to shape me to be a good person.  For being a mother, for being my friend and I told her that I loved her and I didn't know what I would do without her.  She told me that I would have to be a strong one and I have tried my best ever since to be strong for those that need me.

 

The moral of the story is I want to help people like @followheidi get their message out so hopefully they can find a cure for cancer and even though I didn't lose anyone to breast cancer specifically I never want a family to have to feel the pain of losing someone to a terminal disease.  I don't want to have to see a twenty year old girl stay in her house for a year because her bone marrow transplant has left her with no immune system.  Kids shouldn't have to go to Chemotherapy, all cancer is bad and Heidi is out there doing something about it

 

So in closing please take the time to do something even if it is to just retweet this simple message "check out @followheidi, support those that fight against cancer, it is good for you" 

 

Who knows your one tweet could have a ripple effect that saves somebody.

 

This post the person I chose to highlight is pretty obvious so I will cut the normal chatter and here is her links

 

http://www.twiiter.com/followheidi

http://www.verabradleyfoundation.blogspot.com

 http://www.verabradley.org

 

 

 

 

Thanks for reading this and take care of yourselves

 

 

If you aren’t already follow me at:

http://www.twitter.com/xaviermagnus

Insomnia Squad

Last Night/his early morning I had the honor of joining in authorship in a blog with several other late nighters like myself.  This blog and the collection of talent that is working on it is known as the Insomnisquad.  This has the potential to be the coolest thing I have ever worked on internet wise.  The idea and leader is our fearless squad commander Leah D'Emilio from a little website you might know as Mahalo Daily.  It isn't not so often that yours truly gets to be grouped with such an interesting and beautiful, not to mention talented woman, so I jumped on it in the first twitter I saw about it.  Well that’s all in this post about it go check it outhhh http://www.insomnisquad.blogspot.com

 

In honor of the insomnisquad this post person is none other than the Squad Commander Leah D'Emilio.  As stated before she is lovely and talented.  You can find her work on Mahalo Daily as well as her blog The Dealio with D'Emilio, this week in youtube with Lon Harris.  She is also a good soul who recently worked with several others to help get clean drinking water for people that did not have it.  She was a huge part of the Los Angeles Twestival, and I have a feeling she will be blogging from Australia soon.

 

Here is most of her many links:

 

http://thedealiowithdemilio.blogspot.com/

http://twitter.com/leahdemilio

http://www.islandreefjob.com/#/applicants/watch/z7jD2C2aqc0  (click on this give her 5 stars)

 

Oh and squad commander I am doing my best to promote you so you can get to Australia so I better get some swag when you get the job JK

 

 

As always Take care of yourself and each other

twitter.com/xaviermagnus

myspace.com/xavierknight

insomnisquad.blogspot.com

Does love lower the ability of logic

Do Relationships make us less intelligent? Judging by some of our behavior we do out of love or misconceived notions thereof would suggest that being with someone does indeed damage your brain cells.  Now this isn't me pointing a hypocritical finger at anyone, because my own unique case of brain numbing love actions shall be discussed here as well.

 

Let’s look at case #1 for people's sake I will just call this girl Kay. Kay was a girl that I met on twitter after I posted a message and she said she had felt the same way about what I said.  We talked on aim a few times and she told me about her situation.  You see Kay and her boyfriend had broken up over six months ago but they still lived together and shared a bedroom no less.  Kay clung to some hope of salvaging her past relationship while he lay next to her dirty talking and flirting with other girls on the phone.  She would post internet updates that they were cuddling or laying together and he would become furious at her, because she was trying to ruin what he had with other girls, yet she still lives with him today.

 

Here is where the story gets really funny to me.  Kay has a guy that she likes back home in another state and when her live in ex isn't around it is him that she is posting status messages about.  Well Kay told me that she was looking for a new place to live, but got enraged like the hulk and refuses to talk to me after I told her that it is probably best for her not to jump out of an emotionally draining relationship and chase after some guy in another state.  She even literally said "Why not?"  Ironically after a couple of nights posting about the cowboy, and not even 24 hours after she went apartment shopping because she couldn't stand her mistreatment anymore she is back posting status messages about her "horrible" ex and what they are doing together.

 

Case #2 is no other than yours truly XM.  When thinking about how feelings for someone have caused me to act stupid it is hard to narrow it down to one specific time.  There is so erhm scratch that there are too many times I am guilty as charged.  I've written cheesy love songs by request I have been in fist fights, I have seen so many terrible movies, things that I would never do otherwise, well except for the song part.

 

If you ask people that I talk to on the internet I am mostly a relaxed, fun, flirty individual.  If you are a girl and my friend you might find a little nice @ reply on twitter or an e-mail that I send for the sole purpose of making you smile.  For some of my favorite people who shall remain nameless I throw out a random "you are gorgeous" well because it is true, they don't hear it enough, and I think it makes them feel good for just a minute even if it is a crappy day.  Mostly I am calculated and keep my distance.  I say nice things but I am always respectful of my friends and do my best not to cross any lines.  I am methodical by nature I plan moves ahead of moves, I prepare for every social situation.  I always know what I should say. I am empathetic of people and I really make an effort to connect.  I try to always stay level headed and rational.

 

To cut this self appreciative nonsense short the point is when I have feelings for someone all of that personality disappears it is as the person I described the previous paragraph never existed.  I become brash, impulsive, I jump to conclusions, and I dive headfirst sometimes.  I don't think before what I say.  Sometimes that presents with some beautiful poetic moments that the girls from my past that don't hate me remind me of from time to time.  However most of it just winds up putting me in trouble.  I go from being the guy that has the answers to the guy that has insecurities and questions.  Love is my kryptonite it leaves me weak.

 

The strange thing is I realize these things about myself obviously, yet to quote Meat Loaf here "I would do anything for love” Well almost anything anyway.  Again that shows people's silliness that would do anything for love honestly.  People have killed for it, ate bugs, gone on reality TV with Flava Flav for 3 seasons, get rejected by Flav and get 2 seasons of their own love search.  Hell even the Trojan War was started over Helen "the woman who has such beauty that it launched 1000 ships"

 

Well in conclusion clearly I am just bitter and single = )  I know when I find someone I will be brash and impulsive once again.  I look forward to it; maybe I am crazy, or a glutton for punishment or something else who knows

 

PS I am starting a new little mini segment about people on the internet that I find interesting.  I sort of started it with Tahlia last weekend; today I am highlighting someone dear to my heart Sarah @wood.

 

Now Sarah can be considered as my favorite person on twitter.  She always posts something that makes me laugh, she is gorgeous, but mostly she is really cool and down to earth.  She does some cool videos like a week in her life, but she keeps it real and works hard at a real job as well.  Her followers are thousands but she always answers her mail.  Follow her on twitter, and give her some nerdtainment.  I try to at least, but I epic phail her on that.

 

So here is my internet salute to you my friend. 

 

Find her at:

 

http://twitter.com/sarahatwood

http://sarahatwood.net/

 

Ok I’m done being lame

 

If you are reading this be safe, be happy, and to rob Springer "Take care of yourself, and each other"

 

twitter.com/xaviermagnus

myspace.com/xavierknight